I can’t stop thinking. I have a very good memory. EXCEPTIONALLY good. I may be proud about it some times. But most of the times I wish i didn’t have it.
If only we – ordinary mortals – had the power to selectively remove things from our memory….if only…
Thoughts flash into my mind with an alarming frequency. Just can’t get rid of them. Don’t know how to avoid them. They come at an odd hour…..when i get up in the middle of the night for a glass of water, when i am riding my Motorcycle. It disturbs my peace of mind. Drains me of all my physical and mental energy.
Everything then seems meaningless. Music, movies, food, travel, art – things i am passionate about : all of it seems irrelevant. And its a vicious circle, because you cannot stop thinking – you cannot concentrate on anything else. And because you’re not able to concentrate on anything else – you tend to think more and more – you just keep going deeper and deeper. Its scary. Sometime wonder if I’ll ever be able to get out of this.
Reminds me of a scene from the WWII classic “The Enemy Below”. A tired Caption of a German Submarine talking to his Executive Officer in private in his cabin:
“Never think Heini. Be a good warrior never think. You pay penalty for thinking. You cannot rest”.